It is so amazing to me how quickly time can slip through our fingers, but, at the same time, how much can happen in such a short amount of time. My path these past couple of months has taken a few turns I didn’t anticipate. I have begun a spiritual journey that has become more important to me than I ever thought it would be. I have developed a friendship that has been awesome and needed. I have gone on adventures with the kids that I never imagined I would be capable of doing on my own. I have gone through resiliency training and learned a great deal about myself and how to grow relationships and interact with others in a much more positive light. I have found a smoother rhythm with my children and we have all been cooperating with each other in a more effective way. Most importantly, I have felt and experienced the heartache of how long a year can feel with my husband away, but I have slowly learned the importance of reaching out to friends and asking for help when I can no longer withstand the weight of loneliness on my back. These past few days have really brought to light some of the changes that have been occurring in me these last two months.
I had a conversation with my oldest daughter a while back that prompted me to start trying to find a way to provide my children with a little more spirituality. A mentor at the time, who has become an amazing friend that has inspired, taught and brought out the best in me, invited me to join her at church. I have to admit that I considered finding an excuse about why I couldn’t go, but in the end, I pushed myself to try it. I got chills during some of the music, and felt like I needed to keep going down this path to see where it lead me. The sermons have been diving into developing a relationship with Jesus, so I began reading the bible in an effort to better understand who Jesus is. While reading, I think about the questions that I have and then pray about them. Before this long weekend began, I had been reading the Gospel of Matthew and John and remember reading about several miracles that Jesus performed. I asked the question, “Why isn’t He here now, performing those miracles in a world that is extremely troubled. Where is He now?” Over the weekend, I encountered two entirely different people whom I was hanging out with at different times. Through no prompting on my part, these two individuals shared a piece of their life story that was tragic, and yet, both of them, against all odds, survived and moved forward in a positive manner. Something I probably would not have seen, noticed, or thought about before, was the presence of Jesus in these two unrelated stories and how He was there in their lives to provide them with a miracle. As I encounter these different moments, I find my faith slowly starting to grow and deepen. This is a part of me I never thought I would have to develop, but I am finding that I want to keep pushing myself to try to find the answers to the questions I have while taking baby steps forward toward that cliff where I will finally be able to let go and take that complete leap of faith.
On Monday, I went on a hike with the kids. The hike was more strenuous than I anticipated, but we took our time and made it to the end. It was worth every step. The view of the mountain from where we were was amazing. The trees colored the path in multiple shades of green. Waterfalls, though small compared to some I have seen, surrounded us. The snow still on the ground added a nice contrast to the rock of the mountain. Though it was noisy, I was able to tune all of the noise out for just a few moments and appreciate all of the beauty and peace the peak had to offer.
On Tuesday, my amazing friend took me out for my birthday. We had a wonderful time talking and trying out a new restaurant. She is an awesome person, and we had such a good time that neither of us really paid attention to the time. We were both out later than we planned for, but that time is something I will cherish, and I definitely don’t regret being out late.
Today, I took my youngest to a pool party and had a wonderful time. I love getting in the water and playing. It will always be something that relaxes me and makes me feel like a kid again. My youngest even got in the water without any trouble and was swimming around by herself in her puddle jumper because she could do it all by herself (her knew favorite phrase). I got my run in today which felt great because I have been a slacker over the weekend. One of the greatest things about today and this weekend was that we had some very long, good, and fun conversations with my husband, and that is always a great thing!
As I travel forward through the sands of time, I know there will be departures and arrivals, adventures, discoveries, moments, and so much more. I am learning that the most important thing to do as time passes, is to be aware and to spend those passing moments being grateful for everything that is in front of me and around me. I want to find the courage to look into that mirror and make the changes that I seek.