Today was not a bad day at all. I got my run in, which made me feel great. I got the shopping done, which was a huge plus. I worked in time to play Little Pet Shop with my youngest, and even arrived on time to pick up and drop off everyone today. I finished folding all the laundry today and got the last load completed. I found the time to help my son out with his homework while I was cooking dinner. Today was a great day, but also an exhausting one.
By the time I was done cooking dinner, I felt like I wanted to go to bed. Little things started to irk me. Another mess in an area I had just cleaned, my oldest on her cell phone, ignoring her little sister who was trying to talk to her, no one helping to grab napkins or forks for the dinner table, and no one helping out by rinsing dishes or cleaning up the toys that were all over the floor. I tried to repress the bubble that was pushing to get out, but sometimes there is no controlling that odd anger that builds when I am in the midst of exhaustion and PMS. I sometimes seriously wonder if there are gamma rays in the chemicals that make up the hormones that spike during PMS. Today was a step backward for me because for the first time in a while, I yelled at my children. I made it clear that I expected them to help out and clean up after themselves. I told them that I could not keep doing everything by myself. I needed them to step up and pitch in. I took a few deep breaths and contemplated what had happened. I realized that I let my hormones take over for a moment. I apologized to them for yelling and losing my cool, but I did let them know that I really would appreciate it if they started stepping up and helping out with the things that they can do when they see that those things need to be done. I guess you could call this my momentary frustrated venting session. I was proud of myself for realizing how ridiculous I was being so quickly and apologizing to them and moving forward.
On a high note, the night did end with cuddles, book reading and singing, so we are back on the right track. Being positive doesn’t mean walking around the world like Buddy the Elf all the time, or smiling all the time, or being a cheerleader all day long. It means that when stuff happens, sometimes we react the way we want to and sometimes we don’t. The most important part of our reaction is learning from it and striving to improve it. It means looking at the day, with all its ups and downs and finding the good things in the day, no matter how dark that day may have become. It means that even if we can’t quite see clearly, we have that hope in our hearts, and we can still find that one thing that made us feel great, even if it was just for a few seconds out of the day.