Positive Daily Three – Day 7

I have something negative on my chest that won’t leave me alone, so I am going to cleanse that out of my system first, and then share my positive three.  I was really trying to avoid going on a negative rant while writing these posts, but I know I won’t get past this and write from the heart if I try to ignore it.

I sold our 2008 Subaru Outback today to an older couple whom I believed were buying the car as a private sale and were driving it up to Utah to help their son move, at least, that’s what they told my husband.   When the male purchaser took it for a test drive, he believed there was either a wheel bearing issue or a transmission problem and wanted a mechanic to look at it.  I took them to the Firestone I normally bring the car to, and they found it to be a wheel bearing.    They stayed at Firestone to have the repair done and we agreed the cost for the repair would be deducted from the total amount for the sale as he would pay for the repair.  They returned around 6pm.  I felt pretty bad that they didn’t get on the road when they thought they would be, so since I have the most generous, stupid and naive heart in the world, I knocked it down another $500 because they would have to stay overnight somewhere and they were not expecting that.  This was one of those moments that I will forever bang my head on the table for.  This was entirely my fault; he did not ask me to bring the price down, he was merely grumbling and complaining about how put out they were, and I genuinely believed that they were not car dealers.  Turns out, when we filled out the title paperwork, he was purchasing it as a car dealer.  I am not upset that I sold the car.  I am upset because I could have sold that car to someone who was actually in need of it for that price and it would have changed their life because it would have been helping them out.  I felt like I already made a verbal contract with the man, so I didn’t go against what we had agreed to, and I couldn’t muster the courage up to say, “Shame on you for making me feel bad about this situation.”  I’m a pushover.  I am mostly upset at myself because that car will now be flipped and sold for about $8000 in Montana, and someone who actually needed that car and couldn’t afford to pay a dealership will not have the opportunity to buy it from me.  It makes me want to scream.  On the up side, the car is sold and won’t collect dust and we don’t have to pay insurance on it now.  The other upside is that we definitely got our moneys worth out of that car and have many memories and adventures to look back on because of it.  Thank you for letting me rant about my horrible ability to separate business from my heart.

This was actually an amazing day that I absolutely enjoyed besides that incident.  All the kids and I went out to Spring Mountain Ranch State Park.  The wind was blowing decently this morning, so I thought it was a great opportunity to test out a kite that they received for Christmas.  I packed up lunch for everyone and we grabbed a soccer ball and a few other outdoor toys and went adventuring.  The weather was perfect.  It was chilly, but when we started running around, it was wonderful.  We played soccer, catch, tried and succeeded once or twice at flying the kite, and played frisbee.  My daughters even went up to the ranch house and explored so I got to have some one on one time with my son, which doesn’t happen very often, so he was happy.  I have alone time with my youngest daughter while the older two are at school, and alone time with my eldest daughter when the younger ones go to bed, but I don’t really get that alone time with my son.  It was only about 15 minutes, but it was awesome.

I finished up all the cleaning in the house this morning, so I was happy.  Having a clean house, even if it only lasts for a few seconds, makes me feel better.  I can’t explain it, but when the house is totally clean, a weight is lifted off of me and I feel like I can relax a little.

I got to talk on the phone with two of my best friends today.  I know that I need to call them more often, and I am adding this to my commitments for the year.  It was so wonderful, even though we are all busy and don’t have a ton of time to catch up, talking to them put a super huge smile on my face and brought back memories.  It also gave me anticipation to look forward to seeing one of them soon, in February, and the other one during the summer.  Can’t wait to see these ladies and their families again!

I read my children books tonight and listened as my son did a magnificent job reading books to his little sister.  With sick kids and a few scheduling issues this weekend, I haven’t really been able to get the reading in.  It warmed my heart to sit down with them again.  I even sat with them on the floor of their room and read the entire Stars Sleepytime Kit.  They climbed into their beds for the meditation at the end, and they fell asleep quickly tonight.  My youngest daughter didn’t even open the door once tonight.  These are the small moments that are etched into my heart.

I am looking forward to the sunrise tomorrow and hope that you are as well.  In life, we take gambles on people and hope that their integrity, honesty and nature are the same as ours.  Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose, and sometimes we wish we could have seen all the cards.  The important thing is that when we look in the mirror, we love the person looking back because  that is the person we are proud to be.